posted @ 17:52...

Finally inspired to work on my book again. I always get these great ideas when I'm nowhere near the computer... and sometimes they drain from this hollow head, like an oil can full of bullet holes, before I can get 'em actually written out and "developed." I'm writing a little on the fallacy of a "Christian version" of any given secular band. I guess I should leave some material for the book, huh. That way people will want to read it. If I just wrote it all out here, it would be free, and I'd never see any payoff from these hours and hours of hard work. I'm not doing it for the money, of course, but it would be nice to think that this wasn't all a waste of time. Every hour that goes into the book is an hour I'm not spending working on somebody's website -- for actual US currency.

I realize I've been inserting my beliefs a little more into this blog. I realy don't want to sound like some self-righteous preacher stereotype who stands up behind a pulpit spouting off about how much better they are than everyone. But it seems like I've been dealing with different things in my life, my heart, and my head that have caused me to reflect, I guess you'd say. Just examining what is really at the core of my being. I've been trying to focus on what's truly important, including my relationships with people, and my relationship with God. But again, my life goal is to be a different kind of Christian than you've always heard about. I realize that most people have had bad experiences with people who claim to be Christians... and that's unfortunate. My goal is to try to live like Jesus did. And the truth is, I fail. But I keep trying.

Anyway, now that these thoughts are outta my head, I can go back to working on the book.

posted @ 15:19...

Wigwam Socks really are the best socks on the planet.

posted @ 07:42...

It's weird about college and spirituality. I've known several people who seemed to be strong Christians before they went to college, only to "open their minds" once they were exposed to theories and ideas presented in secular curriculum. I'm not against secular schools, and I'm certainly not against learning about other ideas. After all, we as Christians need to know what's out there, so that we can be better prepared to answer questions about (and defend) our own beliefs. But I wonder about these friends, and why they may have stumbled on the tripwire of "other religions also have a lot to offer..." If something has a lot to offer, gives someone peace, and even makes the world a better place, that's great. But to claim it as your own spiritual belief, when you've also claimed to be a Christian, is a contradiction. Jesus Himself said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

"Well, he was a great prophet..." Sure He was, but He also claimed to be the only Way to eternal life. How can you reconcile that with other religions, which teach that there are multiple paths? I know I'm not going to solve this right here, but it's something to think about.

Makes me wonder about college too. I just finished a Western Civilization class in which the professor went overboard explaining that though he was Catholic, he wanted to make sure we were presented the information as historical facts, not as religious dogma. I appreciated that. Being a modern-day protestant, I don't wanna hear something I may not believe sprinkled into my education. But on the other hand, I'm strong enough to withstand it. If he had gone off about how Martin Luther was a heretic, it would have rolled off my back. If he had said Billy Graham was the devil, I would have laughed. I wonder about other professors though, seeing how the vast majority of them are liberal, and many of those are atheists. With what kind of slant are they seasoning the curriculum, that would cause seemingly strong Christians to slink away from the truth? Or, how strong were these Christians in the first place? How naive were they?

posted @ 03:42...

Well, here I sit, an important hearing at work, and a car with a problem. It seems the parking brake is either frozen or just plain broken. Whatever the problem is, it won't release, and therefore, I cannot drive the car. Of course, I figured this out approximately an hour after I could have caught the bus. So here I sit. Thankfully, we got a lot of the stuff for the hearing done on Friday. We lined up most of the witnesses and preloaded some forms, then contacted another witness from home last night. So everything will be fine w/ the hearing itself. But this was going to be a great training opportunity for me, since I would have been the paralegal running the show for my first time. And now, my buddy will most likely be doing it. I'm just glad he's there.

posted @ 06:43...

I've never been to Ikea. I hear it's a great store... all kinds of quality, inexpensive furniture and whatnot. Right now as I type this, my wife is on her way to Houston to the closest Ikea store to look for baby stuff. Hopefully, she'll find a great crib. Hopefully, it'll be cheap! I wish I could be there; I miss the pregnant belly. The baby's really kicking, hard enough to felt on the outside, and I want so badly to be there for it. That little baby has become my reason to do everything I can to the best of my ability, and I can't wait to see him or her.

I also miss Texas. The temperature is in the 80's... Here in Northern NY it's in the mid 30's. This place is jacked up. Who would live here on purpose? There's no sense in staying in a place like this if the government isn't forcing you to. When my time is up, I plan on "popping smoke," as they say, and heading South... even if South means Colorado.

posted @ 16:00...

Here are some lyrics that have been speaking to me recently. I hope this band doesn't mind me putting them here, but I guess it only benefits them since i'm linking to their site. From the song "Wither/Ascend" ...

and in the dark
the same old scars
wake me up to bleed again
when it's done
will the new day sun
burn what's left of me to mend

will you know my name
or will i hang my head in shame
will you take this tired skin
that i've been dying in
will someone hold me to the light
and if i die tonight
then take this broken man
and wrap me tight within
this brand new skin

(lyrics by Stavesacre)
---------------------

I don't know if it was designed to, but that song has really comforted me recently. Good or bad, right or wrong, I've been pondering recently the fact that I'm a sinner. I tired sinner. It's a wonder God still loves me. It's a wonder He loves any of us, actually. But I know He does, and that makes all the difference for me.

Sometimes, I wonder if God can use me. I went to a Youth For Christ youth workers' training seminar yesterday. And while I'm not really involved with "youth ministry" yet, I could be in the near future. But my inner voice keeps asking, "Are you worthy? Are you in the right place spiritually to be in ANY ministry position?" Most times, the answer is no. I'm a jerk. I use profanity. I care only about myself. And other times, I want nothing more than to be as close as possible to God. Then, the question is, how do I get there? It looks like a field of boulders are keeping me from Him... obstacles I put there, that I think I have to climb over. And I'm supposed to be still and know He is God... essentially let him move the damn rocks out of the way. But I'm trying to remember, that he's not on the other side of the rocks. He's right here. With me. Sorta like that cheesy old "Footprints"poem, He never left in the first place... I just have to give up my stubbornness long enough to let Him carry me.

posted @ 09:26...

This really happened just moments ago: I was walking down the hall here at the Brigade, and coming toward me was a certain Liutenant Colonel. He was silent, but then right when he was about to pass me, he looked at me and stated matter-of-factly, "I passed up a career in the adult film industry to come do this Army thing." And then he just kept on walking.

posted @ 13:01...

Wife in Texas, day 6. I can almost feel the gray blah feeling coming wider and higher. The weird thing is, I was fine yesterday. Everything was great and I could handle missing her. And then I couldn't get to sleep. Today I'm tired and depressed. I hope I feel better tomorrow. I miss her so much. My buddies from work are all but forcing me to go on a casino trip this weekend. I want to go, but as I sit here, I'm just not in the mood. Besides that, I'm broke.

posted @ 06:14...

Often we hear of the bravery and heroics of infantry soldiers, and we get mental pictures of fine young men fighting proudly for their country. But you never hear about the idiots with whom these heroes have to serve. Here are some excerpts from a sworn statement, written by a soldier who recently got in trouble... in his own words (grammar & spelling has not been edited):

"Well my girlfriend called saying she need help because she's drunk and sick and she wants me to come get her and take her home. Well I went and got out my uniform and changed for a lil bit I was looking for a ride didn't find one either no one was around or they said no so i called a cab and went over to the hotel to see about her because she was having a hotel party. Well I was looking out for her safety..."

"...Well I was trying to help her at the same time some dude who was drunk was also trippin and talkin some stuff well he started yelling at my girl when I was helping her... well this dude took a swing at my girl and he missed and hit me so i went into self defence and I was beating this dude up badley out of nowhere his home boy hit me from the back so i was fighting 2 people at once well i was still pertecting myself like I suppose 2..."

The soldier was allegedly beaten up by the "Watertown Crips," a local "gang." That's right, supposedly there's a gang in Watertown. I'm looking into starting the "Lowville Bloods." T-shirts will eventually be available. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

posted @ 14:53...

Wife in Texas, day 3... I took her to the airport Saturday morning. And coming down the steps to the lower level, my knees were shaking. I managed to drive home, and proceeded to spend the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing. I've got no motivation, and nothing feels right... I'm not the melodramatic type, but this must be how it feels when someone I'm so close to flies to Texas. To say that I miss her is an understatement. I sleep okay through the night, but waking up is a let-down because I realize again that she's not there sleeping beside me. More later...